Feeling sick... Literally

I fell sick yesterday... Felt so terrible I even cried... Felt like I was dying... I've always been rather frail and weak since young but never once did I cry when I fell sick, no matter how terrible I felt. I've always suffered from injuries too, falling down and hurting myself were all part of a daily life. I never shed a single tear either. I was always tough, I welcome the pain, even. I never ever cry and sob over tiny things such as a flu or a cut.

And yet now, already such a grown up, I cried because I was sick.

Did I really fell that terrible? Or was I crying for something else? I don't know, I really don't know.

I wonder how much will power affects your rate of healing? I was going to see a friend I missed for such a long time this Thursday, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it due to my falling ill, so my illness didn't even last for 24 hours. I'm well enough right now, just a little bit of sore throat and all. Even I'm surprised, since the last time I fell ill I took a week to recover.

And now I need to cancel the outing because of another appointment.

Is this all part of growing up, I wonder? Would adulthood be filled with so many decisions and troubles? Suddenly, staying 17 forever would be what I really want...

I feel so bad... Here I was, ranting on about people not contacting me, people being too busy and grown-up, people not caring about their friendships anymore, and I can't even make it to one single hang-out a well-meaning friend organised.

I feel selfish. I really feel so damn selfish.

By the time I come back from NS, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to see many of you again. I just want to see all of you one more time...