Yeppy, got myself a new job and will start work tmr!!! Thing is, I just got well, and I still feel groggy... Sobs... Me wants a nice little hug...
I feel awful about acting so bitchy and selfish for the past week... I wanna whack myself... I'm so sorry to everybody... I was really a bitch back there... Maybe still am...
Maybe I oughtta get meringues for everybody. Ooh, those cute little meringues were adorable... :P
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Feeling sick... Literally
I fell sick yesterday... Felt so terrible I even cried... Felt like I was dying... I've always been rather frail and weak since young but never once did I cry when I fell sick, no matter how terrible I felt. I've always suffered from injuries too, falling down and hurting myself were all part of a daily life. I never shed a single tear either. I was always tough, I welcome the pain, even. I never ever cry and sob over tiny things such as a flu or a cut.
And yet now, already such a grown up, I cried because I was sick.
Did I really fell that terrible? Or was I crying for something else? I don't know, I really don't know.
I wonder how much will power affects your rate of healing? I was going to see a friend I missed for such a long time this Thursday, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it due to my falling ill, so my illness didn't even last for 24 hours. I'm well enough right now, just a little bit of sore throat and all. Even I'm surprised, since the last time I fell ill I took a week to recover.
And now I need to cancel the outing because of another appointment.
Is this all part of growing up, I wonder? Would adulthood be filled with so many decisions and troubles? Suddenly, staying 17 forever would be what I really want...
I feel so bad... Here I was, ranting on about people not contacting me, people being too busy and grown-up, people not caring about their friendships anymore, and I can't even make it to one single hang-out a well-meaning friend organised.
I feel selfish. I really feel so damn selfish.
By the time I come back from NS, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to see many of you again. I just want to see all of you one more time...
And yet now, already such a grown up, I cried because I was sick.
Did I really fell that terrible? Or was I crying for something else? I don't know, I really don't know.
I wonder how much will power affects your rate of healing? I was going to see a friend I missed for such a long time this Thursday, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it due to my falling ill, so my illness didn't even last for 24 hours. I'm well enough right now, just a little bit of sore throat and all. Even I'm surprised, since the last time I fell ill I took a week to recover.
And now I need to cancel the outing because of another appointment.
Is this all part of growing up, I wonder? Would adulthood be filled with so many decisions and troubles? Suddenly, staying 17 forever would be what I really want...
I feel so bad... Here I was, ranting on about people not contacting me, people being too busy and grown-up, people not caring about their friendships anymore, and I can't even make it to one single hang-out a well-meaning friend organised.
I feel selfish. I really feel so damn selfish.
By the time I come back from NS, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to see many of you again. I just want to see all of you one more time...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Ses Yeux...
He seldom smiles, but I know he enjoys every minute of life as it slips past his observant eyes at a steady pace. He rarely laughs, only that occasional upward turn of his lips as he merely indicates the slightest bit of his amusement. But he tries to remain serious, always. He tries his best not to show that he is as much affected by the tides of emotions as we are.
He tries too hard, too hard indeed. When nobody ever gave him the responsibility to watch over others with his silent gaze, yet he still takes it up as his duty. He thinks too much, too much for his own good. And they say one who thinks well rarely utters his thoughts. Yet it shows, on his serious, calm demeanour; the burden, the weight of a thousand cares and duties just waiting to be fulfilled in his raging sea of thoughts.
He never was the most popular guy around, there were others far more handsome than he. But he has his far share of admirers, and a great many elders respect his talents. They set him difficult tasks, they watch him pass his tests, they give him harsher duties. And each time I know he does his best, although he would never be fully recognised for the genius he truly is. But still there are whispers, the whispered words behind closed doors, that it is such a pity, his talent will never be truly recognised.
Again, he smiles. Yet a frown rests heavily over his brows, and the grip of haunting dreams shows its scars across his forehead. I long to reach out and touch the tips of my fingers to his pale skin, to show how much I worry for his well being as well, but I cannot. He wouldn't let me.
He sees things that others cannot, and not just those things that are invisible. He sees the things that are clearly there, yet others fail to notice their existence. Each move we make, each time we laugh, even the times when our eyes light up in joy, his eyes capture the slight beauty of that small, simple action, and holds it dear forever.
He's leaving now, and he doesn't look back. I long to call out to him, to beg him to stay, but the mere sight of his back in the distance, and his hair swaying in the wind, makes me want to cry. For he is already long gone. He has already chosen to walk his way, and those who are important to him are merely purposes to keep him alive, not memories to keep him with us. He will live for those whom he loves, but loving them was never his option. His clear eyes hide the sorrow of loneliness, but I can feel their pain.
I am not strong enough, nor am I tough. I cannot restrain him, nor can I change his ways. All I can do for him is pray and pray, and maybe just hope that he will be free from his worries and his burdens, never again to be shackled by the weight of his responsibility. He deserves to spread his wings, he deserves to fly in the clear blue sky he has watched me savour in delight. He deserves to love, and deserves to live the way he wants to.
His pure, clear eyes deserve to experience more of the joys he was never entitled to have. And he deserves to know the feeling of loving and be loved, not just as a sense of duty that he must protect.
And so, I desperately want, I fervently pray, that this caged bird can chart its own destiny, that this caged bird can fly away freely... Without me.
But I will miss his honest gaze, and his pure, clear eyes that seem mesmerised by the world, and yet has mesmerised me.
He tries too hard, too hard indeed. When nobody ever gave him the responsibility to watch over others with his silent gaze, yet he still takes it up as his duty. He thinks too much, too much for his own good. And they say one who thinks well rarely utters his thoughts. Yet it shows, on his serious, calm demeanour; the burden, the weight of a thousand cares and duties just waiting to be fulfilled in his raging sea of thoughts.
He never was the most popular guy around, there were others far more handsome than he. But he has his far share of admirers, and a great many elders respect his talents. They set him difficult tasks, they watch him pass his tests, they give him harsher duties. And each time I know he does his best, although he would never be fully recognised for the genius he truly is. But still there are whispers, the whispered words behind closed doors, that it is such a pity, his talent will never be truly recognised.
Again, he smiles. Yet a frown rests heavily over his brows, and the grip of haunting dreams shows its scars across his forehead. I long to reach out and touch the tips of my fingers to his pale skin, to show how much I worry for his well being as well, but I cannot. He wouldn't let me.
He sees things that others cannot, and not just those things that are invisible. He sees the things that are clearly there, yet others fail to notice their existence. Each move we make, each time we laugh, even the times when our eyes light up in joy, his eyes capture the slight beauty of that small, simple action, and holds it dear forever.
He's leaving now, and he doesn't look back. I long to call out to him, to beg him to stay, but the mere sight of his back in the distance, and his hair swaying in the wind, makes me want to cry. For he is already long gone. He has already chosen to walk his way, and those who are important to him are merely purposes to keep him alive, not memories to keep him with us. He will live for those whom he loves, but loving them was never his option. His clear eyes hide the sorrow of loneliness, but I can feel their pain.
I am not strong enough, nor am I tough. I cannot restrain him, nor can I change his ways. All I can do for him is pray and pray, and maybe just hope that he will be free from his worries and his burdens, never again to be shackled by the weight of his responsibility. He deserves to spread his wings, he deserves to fly in the clear blue sky he has watched me savour in delight. He deserves to love, and deserves to live the way he wants to.
His pure, clear eyes deserve to experience more of the joys he was never entitled to have. And he deserves to know the feeling of loving and be loved, not just as a sense of duty that he must protect.
And so, I desperately want, I fervently pray, that this caged bird can chart its own destiny, that this caged bird can fly away freely... Without me.
But I will miss his honest gaze, and his pure, clear eyes that seem mesmerised by the world, and yet has mesmerised me.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Back from Trials~
I'm back~~~
And we only have one more subject to go on monday. YAY! Physics was harder than expected today, and even I, the great genius, (er-hem) had to crack my brains over the calculations needed. Ok, fine, I never really was a physics genius to begin with. :P So much for the self praise...
In any case, I just realised how little time we have left together. We don't have much time before we graduate and leave school. Then we'll never get to spend recess together, we'll never get to run around corridors like crazy, we'll never get to make a big hoo-hah in class like idiots again. We'll never ever, in short, get to be innocent little school children and troublemaking teenagers again.
Sad, ain't it? But it's all part of growing up, and growing up is all about spreading your wings, flying away and trying to brave the currents and storms.
For now, I'm trying to get over my emo-ness. Don't worry, it'll be fine soon. I just need to cry a little bit more... That's all.
And we only have one more subject to go on monday. YAY! Physics was harder than expected today, and even I, the great genius, (er-hem) had to crack my brains over the calculations needed. Ok, fine, I never really was a physics genius to begin with. :P So much for the self praise...
In any case, I just realised how little time we have left together. We don't have much time before we graduate and leave school. Then we'll never get to spend recess together, we'll never get to run around corridors like crazy, we'll never get to make a big hoo-hah in class like idiots again. We'll never ever, in short, get to be innocent little school children and troublemaking teenagers again.
Sad, ain't it? But it's all part of growing up, and growing up is all about spreading your wings, flying away and trying to brave the currents and storms.
For now, I'm trying to get over my emo-ness. Don't worry, it'll be fine soon. I just need to cry a little bit more... That's all.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Headache lah...
Am having a splitting headache right now, and then Min had to ask me to come and check out something. MIN AH... IF MY HEADACHE WORSENS I'M GOING TO... Nah, just kidding. Worth coming online. :P
Tomorrow's English. No need to study. So I'm trying to cram some chemy and then maybe watch some Naruto and later eat maggi before I sleep. I have a long night ahead of me... YAY!!!
Random crapping. Had to put something here or else my blog really really die. XD
4 MORE DAYS OF EXAMS TO GO! WOOT~~~
Tomorrow's English. No need to study. So I'm trying to cram some chemy and then maybe watch some Naruto and later eat maggi before I sleep. I have a long night ahead of me... YAY!!!
Random crapping. Had to put something here or else my blog really really die. XD
4 MORE DAYS OF EXAMS TO GO! WOOT~~~
Friday, August 14, 2009
Waliao... Projects galore!
I think I'm taking too much on my hands... And Min was right, I haven't blogged for such a long time... GAH!!! Must write more!!! Must learn to juggle projects!!! And hope they don't fall on my head and break like rotten eggs...
Ok, just here to type a few lines. Tag me or something larh... Bored leh... My blog is dying...
Ok, just here to type a few lines. Tag me or something larh... Bored leh... My blog is dying...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Melaka Trip and Night Gathering
Yesterday was tiring but fun!!! Started off for Melaka Trip at 7 and we had a blast. Our itinery was really messy and we ended up stopping at random places and walking. But everyone had fun. No one wanted to go back actually. They wanted a second trip also. Waliao!
Then we headed off to the Night Gathering which was the wildest thing I've ever seen! And the night wind was so cool... LOL
We did 2 stupidest things yesterday. First one, we were on the ship museum (The name escapes me) and hanging off the balcony. Then we were wondering where mr collins and mdm ho were bcos they went up the revolving tower thingy without us so when we saw the revolving thing go up we waved like idiots to it. To our surprise, someone waved back at us. So here we were, waving and waving and then suddenly someone said: "MR COLLINS IS DOWN THERE LAH!" And we looked, opposite the road below us, he was waving at us too. Deng... Idiotic lah!
Then at night around 8 we went for the night gathering. And we got down at the back door but decided to enter from the front. So we walk and walk and walk to the front only to have a guide stop us and say PLEASE ENTER FROM THE BACK. WTH. Lock said: "This is the stupidest thing we did in our entire lives." I said: "No, it's the second. We did one this morning, remember?" And we walk all the way back like idiots. LOL
Tired lah... Headache... Language week coming up and I'm not ready yet! Help!!!
Then we headed off to the Night Gathering which was the wildest thing I've ever seen! And the night wind was so cool... LOL
We did 2 stupidest things yesterday. First one, we were on the ship museum (The name escapes me) and hanging off the balcony. Then we were wondering where mr collins and mdm ho were bcos they went up the revolving tower thingy without us so when we saw the revolving thing go up we waved like idiots to it. To our surprise, someone waved back at us. So here we were, waving and waving and then suddenly someone said: "MR COLLINS IS DOWN THERE LAH!" And we looked, opposite the road below us, he was waving at us too. Deng... Idiotic lah!
Then at night around 8 we went for the night gathering. And we got down at the back door but decided to enter from the front. So we walk and walk and walk to the front only to have a guide stop us and say PLEASE ENTER FROM THE BACK. WTH. Lock said: "This is the stupidest thing we did in our entire lives." I said: "No, it's the second. We did one this morning, remember?" And we walk all the way back like idiots. LOL
Tired lah... Headache... Language week coming up and I'm not ready yet! Help!!!
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